SELF CONFIDENCE: How much of it have I got?

One particular experience in my early years has stood out more than all others. In primary three,my mother,a retired teacher had just arrived from the northern part of the country with goods to sell in Lagos, Nigeria where we were settled. It is amazing how some of those clothes and fashion accessories she sold back then are still in trend. I was one young child who liked to show off every now and then, so I picked up one of the aviation sunglasses and hoop ear-rings , and took them to school. On that particular day, I had the opportunity to show off my classy look to friends,because there was a free period on our time-table. A few minutes later,my friend Kemi Dada walked up to the teacher. Back then, class teachers were sitted in classrooms with their students. Our teacher,Miss Stella,was the youngest and prettiest teacher in school. Kemi informed Miss Stella I brought her some gifts. Puzzled,Miss Stella then beckoned on me to confirm what Kemi had said,and I could not even utter a word to confirm or deny Kemi's tale; I just smiled sheepishly. Miss Stella then scribbled a thank you note,and instructed me to give it to my mother. At that point, I knew things had gotten messy because I had planned to return the fashion accessories back to my mum's room without her knowledge. I received the letter and put it in my pocket; but decided to destroy the letter as soon as I was alone.

At the close of school that day, my brother picked me up in school. As soon as I arrived home I ran into the house, and did not even realise the letter had slipped out of my pocket in to the car seat.When I got into the house, I searched for it and was glad I could not find it as there would be no trace of it whatsoever, or so i thought. Later in the evening my parents and brother called me into the living room, and asked what the letter was about. They asked me how many of my mother's goods had I handed out to people,and what my motive was,thinking I was handing out freebies to boost my popularity.

All I did was wail,and thought they were being unfair for accusing me falsely. I did not even try to defend myself. I did get a serious beating for "lying and stealing". My mum then sent a letter of apology to Miss Stella,and gave her a little gift for the little misunderstanding. To cut the long story short, that was the end of my relationship with Kemi Dada. That experience,and every other encounter that needed me to defend myself , still had me seeing myself as a poor victim living in a helpless and unfair world . I would not take the responsibility of voicing out during a confrontation; I would either cry myself out of the situation or end the relationship. I honestly thought quietness was a virtue. Apparently,I was clueless. Several bad and unwarranted experiences later,I have since learnt being timid was a weakness.

Recently,I decided to check the meaning of confidence in the thesaurus dictionary,and it meant, belief in one's self. I walked down memory lane, and I realised how much I had grown my self confidence over the years.I grew up in a house where my parents held the view that respect for authority was of utmost importance,and so you must be silent wen spoken to. I learnt such a principle,and followed it through and through.  I realised later that it had birthed in me a habit of timidity. It was good,but then there were times people lied against me,accused me,and I failed to stand up for myself when I needed to. I began to make conscious efforts to get this limiting trait behind me. I volunteered in speaking occasions,I read books more especially autobiographies,I spoke out more in social circles whether it made sense or not. Sure, I was not as fluent as I wrote,but hey,I was getting better!


You may ask,what do I have to lose if I don't have self confidence? Loads and loads of opportunities,I tell you. Opportunities ranging from an excellent thesis presentation in your final year, impromptu job interviews, chance meeting with celebrities, other people of influence, to asking a person of interest on a date. You will need to develop the ability to believe in yourself and your abilities. Over the years,I've had my fair share of meetings with celebrities from the movie industry,music industry,and the entertainment industry,and i did converse calmly. Not one for name dropping,I'd rather keep the names to my self. In my third year in the university,I was privileged to host a success seminar which attracted five thousand attendees. I had to go up to speak to them,and incredibly the only thing on my mind was how to convey my excitement and purpose of the seminar. I did that remarkably well,and my greatest fear of passing out did not become a reality.

You can boost your self-confidence by;

• You should start dressing the part;by this I don't mean expensive suits or dresses. I mean dress conservatively and neatly. Also try to be trendy and attractive.There are tonnes of fashion tips on the internet.You will get compliments,which will aid your self esteem. It is important you accept these compliments,and also learn to compliment others.What this does is it establishes you in healthy social circles and helps your self confidence.
• Develop the habit of a great posture; have you not noticed you assume some people are proud or arrogant even before you are acquainted with them? Was it not because of the way these personalities carried themselves! Enough of hating people because of the air around them and their looks,because what you really wished was that you were half as comfortable in your skin as they are in theirs. So put a stop to the slouching,and learn to walk with your shoulders straight and your head up high.
• Identify your strengths and successes,and celebrate them. Do not let the habit of perfectionism or criticisms drive you deep into depression. No one knows it all; no one is perfect. We all learn and in order to be happy,we remind ourselves of our strengths,and work on our weaknesses. This will help you to be optimistic and face challenges with a wide grin,and great expectations. If life serves you a lemon,make it a lemonade!
• Recognise ,and accept every opportunity to speak. It may be a little disappointing at the beginning,but you must learn to bounce back from your mistakes. Attend seminars, read books, articles. You can stand in front of the mirror ,and give a speech!

I am quite confident your continuous practice, and conscious efforts will pull you through the haze.