R. E. S. P. E. C. T - Spell it out in your relationship!

Several times,I have had to listen to friends, associates ,and protégés discuss  how their spouses or partners abuse them in a relationship. When we hear the word abuse most times, words and actions like 'to belittle, exploit, put down, physical hurt, swearing,and even sexual assault' come to mind. Yes, they are all aspects of abuse. One word that does not readily come to mind as a synonym of abuse is disrespect. That's right, disrespect.
I bet you are somewhat  surprised as to my use of the word abuse as a synonym of disrespect. Disrespect is lack of respect or courtesy to someone or something; according to Thesaurus dictionary,disrespect means disregard or rudeness towards someone. Disrespect is a no no in every relationship whether it's at home,in an office, or a public place. Disrespect is  such a big issue in the western world  that employees are fired for being unmannerly towards a customer or fellow colleague. Organisatiosns have sued, and have also being driven to court for irreverence or flippancy. This may seem like a bit of an overreaction but you see,a remark made in a careless and insulting  manner don't just disbrand  a company,or bring about financial loss. but it also leaves the victim scarred mentally and emotionally.

Let me give an instance, a company you hold in high esteem put up a job vacancy advert,and you have indicated interest. A few days later, you are invited for a job interview. During the job interview process, you were asked a series of challenging questions in which you answered to the best of your ability. Just when you were leaving the room feeling confident, a member of the interview panel commended you,but the owner of the organisation,also present,retorted and made some rude and scoff remarks. There's a great possibility that you will leave the interview room feeling deflated and awful.

It is the same in a relationship where two people have agreed to come together to love, help, and honour each other based on their admiration and regard for one another. As they gradually get to know each other in a relationship, the other person's strengths and weaknesses will become more conspicuous. Overtime, a growing need to correct the other party soon develops,and then an urgent need to change them, or make them 'better'. This is as a result of an unconscious need for one party to prove he is better than the other, based on his knowledge of the other's weakness. Hereafter, issues and fights will be a regular 'spice' in such a relationship. In healthy relationships however, each partner decides to put a stop to the 'transforming process',begin complimenting the other's weaknesses, and enjoy their partners just the way they are. 

Disrespect is birthed when one party fails to acknowledge he has weaknesses; and  based on his need to prove he is superior and better, begins to treat the other party with disregard. What party A does not realise is that, he is beginning to abuse party B's mind ( her act, will,and emotion). Party B gradually begins to feel inadequate and pessimistic. This soon begins to reflect in her responsibilities, and job functions; she begins to act disrespectful as well.  The consequence of such an action  is that party A ends up with a dissatisfied partner, a weak relationship,a cheating partner,or even worse, the end of the relationship.

Disrespect is so unhealthy as it leaves one or both parties scarred; it is a confidence killer. Other ways to demonstrate disrespect in a relationship are ; to physically hurt or beat up the other partner; to talk sarcastically to the other person;to not consider the other person's opinion before making a decision that will affect both parties. Disrespect is so subtle; you may not realise when it begins to creep into a relationship. Respect can gradually erode in a relationship as a result of everyday stresses and strain. It takes conscious efforts to maintain respect as a value in our relationships. Actions we can  take to restore or maintain respect includes;

1. Talking to your partner in the manner you want to be treated.
2. Improving your behaviour,and not your partner's.
3. Negotiating with your partner about issues and decisions that affect you both.
4. Learning to accept your partner's differences; never take your partner's sacrifices for granted.
5. Learning to communicate effectively, and regularly with your partner. When you inform your partner when you are frustrated or stressed, you will stop the set off of a cycle of. Disrespect,and contempt.

The moment respect is restored in a relationship, it becomes honeymoon all over again, plus you become an unstoppable team.